While I was in the middle of doing one of the things on my endless to do list the other evening I thought to myself, “oh, I should write a blog post, it’s been a few days” umm, correction, a few weeks! Eek!

I’m using the rookie card here… that and having like seven ‘jobs’ as my excuse for the unintentional hiatus. And am putting ‘blog writing’ into my calendar as an official activity to stay accountable to.

But, as I work on wrapping up an awesome post about how things are coming along at Lindsey and Doug’s and some other goodies… I saw this photo on facebook the other day and I really loved it. It brought up some things for me about the energy around the end of the year.. the holidays.. and of course, endings and beginnings.

(Just a quick note:  try as I might to track down the origin of the photo I couldn’t – but I love it and so am saying thanks to the creator and am using it here.)

Often we messy humans put a lot of energy into the future. Things we are working toward, things we want but don’t have yet, what might happen, what could happen, what we do want to happen, what we don’t want to happen… anything but what’s happening right now. We put our excitement there, our fear there, our anticipation and worry there… and we can forget to be in the present.

This is really nothing new. If you want a great example of someone not being in the present – I recently worked on a renovation of a coffee store in a mall in MI… when we were there to do the construction punch the manager was telling us that the layout works a lot better but she’s been having a problem with people … get ready for it… walking into the glass that used to be a door. Like at full speed. Not joking. She was trying to show me the forehead marks. How often are we literally on 100% autopilot? More often than we probably realize.

I have a big problem with this actually… from the perspective of always feeling like where I am in life is never good enough and that I always need to be working toward more somehow.

I think I don’t have enough money, I get a new job and a bigger salary but then I feel like I don’t have enough money and I need to be making more… repeat.

I get a new apartment, all to myself… but am self conscious because it’s teeny tiny and I feel like I should have more at this point in my life.

Now that I have what I wanted, instead of seeing it as the great thing that it is… so much of my energy and attention is on the future that what I wanted is suddenly not good? I confuse even myself sometimes.

Two things I’m realizing (and am having to remind myself on the regular): it’s a slippery slope comparing yourself to others and using other people’s lives and journeys as a calibration tool for your own life. Your life is unique to you and if you are constantly trying to figure out how you are doing by comparing yourself to others you will never win.

Also, and I am doing this consciously these days, every time I think something invalidating, like all the things I don’t have yet, or I should have more of, or be further along with, or something that is telling me that where I am right now isn’t good enough – I adjust by reminding myself of where I have been (on my own journey) so that I can see the reality of how awesome where I am now is:

In two short years I have catapulted my career forward. I was out of full time work for almost two years during the recession… but I got to be a bad ass construction worker… pull concrete, drive a back hoe and a front loader, hang girders and do all kinds of stuff lots of people never do, even architects… and tons of guys think is awesome that I did (bonus!).

I might not work for myself full time yet, but I have clients that I love and that tells me I’m on the right path. And I love what I do. Major plus. And I have an awesome team at my day job who I love and who are becoming fast friends outside of work – always good.

I have discovered Invision which is completely transforming my life every day. The more meditation and energy work I do, the more I discover about myself and the more change that I see in my life – it’s one big crazy amazing adventure.

After a long time of not having my own perfect ‘dream’ space I am creating it now… my place might be small but it’s all mine… and it’s pretty cute if I do say so myself. An awesome turquoise sofa is on the way, gold and white whatever I can get my hands on and art that inspires me… super exciting to have this for real!

So I am looking back on this year with heaps of gratitude, for the challenges which help me grow and for all of the amazing things that I wasn’t expecting or anticipating along the way.We are always trying to plan and have control, but my favorite moments and experiences I never saw coming.

I’m not super religious but I do think that we pick our lives for specific reasons… even if we can’t always see it in the moment. I like where I’ve been so far… and I’m excited for where I’m going. I hope this post inspires someone to maybe take a look at what they are experiencing… the beauty of messy life and of ‘now’… and wish everyone an awesome end to this year and a spectacular hello to the next one.