Making room for the things we want and the tricky business of letting go

balloons 2So, when it comes to creating your space – well, anything in your life – with intention, one of the key ingredients to being able to have and create something that you really want is being able to let go of what isn’t right for you anymore. And letting go can be a super huge deal for people. Usually we have a harder time with some things than others, but what’s the deal with all this struggle and icky discomfort, really?

Have you ever noticed the difference between these two experiences:

1. You are letting something go and you are certain that it’s the right thing – it’s not right for you anymore, it’s time to clear it out – by the time you are physically saying goodbye you have mentally, emotionally (and energetically) let go already.

OR

2. You know on an intellectual level that something’s not right for you anymore but for some mysterious reason you still can’t let it go – emotionally, physically, (energetically)? You have all these other emotions, like fear, longing to hang on, guilt, uncertainty, obligation… the list goes on, that make you want to hold on for dear life.

They are two wildly different experiences right? Which one feels better…

Letting go is definitely a process, because growing is a process. Making space for new things can be thrilling and exciting and also completely terrifying all at once. The nice thing about holding onto things is that we know exactly what we have, it might not be exactly what we want, or our dream come true, but it’s familiar… and safe. The fear that comes in is usually something like ‘what if I let this go and something better never actually comes?’ Here’s a secret – that is not your energy. Fear that paralyzes us and keeps us stuck is just an energetic kind of pollution in our space. Sometimes just being able to recognize this can help us get movement again… and help us let go.

Because humans are totally weird and put all kinds of emotional significance onto inanimate objects, we get to practice holding onto and letting go of things all the time. People can’t sell their house because they’ve lived there a long time and they don’t want to say goodbye to the memories. I had no idea that moving caused permanent memory loss. Or you have furniture in your house that is hideous – or nice but just really not your style – but was passed down from a relative and you just keep it… because of the emotional attachment to the person or because you are afraid if you let it go someone’s feelings would be hurt.

Another aspect of this that I realize I just inadvertently brought up is that part of the resistance we feel to letting things go can come from placing the emotional well-being of another person above our own. I’m not saying go out and hurt people’s feelings on purpose (or do go out and hurt people’s feelings on purpose, maybe that’s just how you roll), but I am saying that sometimes we make a lot of assumptions about how someone would feel if we got rid of something. But do we ever consider that if say, someone in your family gave you a piece of furniture that wasn’t right for you – they wouldn’t want you to just keep it? That they would be happy if you went out and found something that is perfect for you? I would be more hurt if I found out someone I loved was sacrificing part of themselves because they were afraid they were going to hurt my feelings. Also it would suck to think that every time they looked at that furniture they thought how much it wasn’t right for them but they felt like they couldn’t get rid of it because I gave it to them and they didn’t want to hurt my feelings – not an association I want anyone making! It sounds silly to use that example and think that I could be talking about a chair, but this stuff happens! And not being able to make room for the things we really want happens on small and large levels in our lives every day… often times we are not even consciously aware of it.

Just look around your house right now, how much of what is surrounding you do you really – really – love? How much have you just kept because you think it’s just easier than the energy it would take to actually think about what would really be right for you right now, as opposed to ten years ago when you probably bought or inherited half the things you own?

I’m not saying letting go is easy… but isn’t it worth it to at least start thinking a little more consciously – is what I have in my life, and my space, what I really want and what is really right for me? And if it isn’t, what are you going to do about it?

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