what we sacrifice in the name of ‘being nice’

I really loved this article from the Good Men Project that I saw the other day. It resonated with me on a lot of levels – the message is definitely just as relevant for women as it is for men – so check it out, enjoy. Hopefully you will be as inspired as I was.

I write a lot about being able to have, and create, what you want in your physical space but also in the rest of your life. What touched me about this article is really thinking about all of the times we might be sacrificing parts of ourselves in the name of ‘being nice’, not wanting to hurt someone else’s feelings or even make them uncomfortable.

nice guy quote 2

The article might have been geared more toward relationships, but just think about the idea that we have this fear that being honest, about our feelings, wants, or needs, letting people see the real us, will make us unworthy… of anything – that if we show who we really are that people will not like, or love us anymore. It’s pretty huge, and pretty applicable to every area of life.

How many times have we wanted (or needed) something but didn’t ask because we were afraid we didn’t really deserve it, or worse, other people wouldn’t think we deserve it. What if we ask for something and we are told no? It often feels safer not to risk it. Being able to imagine something happening is often more fulfilling, and less painful, than the possibility that we will ask and not get it. Then our fear might come true, and it would hurt for real.

But what if we ask and it does happen? What if we are honest about what we are feeling, what we want, what we need, and we get it?

Really being honest means that you have to be open – and vulnerable – and accept that you cannot control others, how they respond or what they do with your honesty… and I don’t know about you, but both of those things completely freak me out.

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If we are really honest, about anything, we might have to give up control… and be really vulnerable… and I can guarantee it will most certainly be uncomfortable in the beginning, but it gives the people we care about in our lives the chance to do amazing things in return – like show us compassion and understanding, acknowledge and validate of our feelings, let us be and feel heard and supported, and heaven forbid – give us what we want and need when we finally have the courage to ask for it. If you ask me, that all sounds pretty spectacular.

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