Wanting and Having and Needing, Oh My

coins in water 2

As I finally get around to getting the last few big items for my own space I’ve been thinking a lot about the energy of wanting and having, and in contrast, the energy of needing… we want and need things all the time, but how often do we ever really think with any intention about the act of wanting versus needing, and having (or not), and what that is for us to experience… on an emotional, physical, or energy level. Probably not often – or ever.

In a way I really love wanting, it is its own beautiful unique energy and it feels super good… to want… to desire… the excitement of imagining and anticipating what it will feel like to have that thing, whatever it is. Sometimes the want is small and everyday and easy to fulfill – I sooo want a coffee break right now, or my favorite sushi for dinner, or a new sweater… not very hard to bring those to fruition, most of the time anyway. But sometimes we want something that might not feel or seem as easy to get exactly when we want it – our dream car or house, a new job or maybe to be able to work for ourselves, or even to have a profound connection and love with someone. For the bigger things especially, it can get frustrating to be wanting and wanting and not seem to be able to move into having, which is where you have to be a little careful…

Sometimes weird things happen that affect our ability to actually have x,y, or z. We might start wondering whether when… if… we get what we want, it will measure up in real life to what we’ve been imagining… it’s so great wanting it, what if having it isn’t as good as what I imagined? Or we might think it’s just impossible… someone like me could never have that… the thing we want starts feeling senior to us… maybe just wanting is better… safer. Let me just re-assure you here, wanting is never better than having, call bullshit on that imposter feeling polluting your space as soon as it shows up. The best wanting will really ever be is good foreplay to having. For real.

Sometimes we also accidentally put lots of our own energy out there on that thing that we want… and it starts to feel like we need it, we need it to be happy, or somehow we won’t be ‘enough’ if we don’t get it. Needing is a much different energy than wanting, there is less freedom and movement, and pleasure… you might feel like you can’t operate fully without having that thing… there is less choice, or maybe no choice. You feel like you can’t walk away or let go and so you lose your power. Definitely doesn’t sound like as much fun and often, when we let something become more important than just our self and start to feel like we ‘need’ it, we also start really being afraid of losing it… and when you start to operate from fear it gets really hard to enjoy having anything.

One trick to keep from slipping into need is keeping your energy and your power right where it belongs – with you, in your own space. And a sneaky place that we can forget we have power is in choice. There is a lot of power in choice, and in a way, keeping the ability to walk away within yourself. To intentionally choose to want something and then to choose to have it, knowing that you don’t need it and would be fine without it is actually pretty amazing when you stop and think about it. You are operating from a completely different place – you live in a certain house and you really love it, but you’d be perfectly happy living somewhere else. You actively choose to be in a partnership and give love because your person inspires you, you would be fine on your own but you choose to make space in your life. How amazing does that sound. Much different than – I need to live in this house or on this street or I can’t be happy, or that I need to be in this relationship and don’t feel like I can be on my own…

There is no such thing as having dreams that are too big or too impossible… there is no dream or want that you don’t deserve because only certain people get to have it… and there is no such thing as a dream or desire being ‘too good to be true’… it’s just important to check in and make sure we aren’t losing ourselves, and our own energy, out on the things that we want, so that we can actually have and enjoy them when they show up at our doorstep.

bunny and carrots

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