Lots to be thankful for… even when things get messy

Usually November and December are a little slower, and it’s a much needed time to slow down, recoup from a busy year, and maybe catch up on some neglected projects and forgotten to-do list items before we ramp up again in January. But this year these months are busier than ever, both with work and with changes in the rest of my life.

As I look back on this year there is so much to be thankful for. I felt like last year was huge with my job change, but this year everything else in my life has changed, and at a record pace as well, which is amazing, but not something I’m exactly used to.

For a big part of my life I felt stuck and unable to have the movement that I desired in any area of my life, unable to make any of my dreams real. But now everything is moving almost faster than I can welcome it in! Sometimes it’s a little uncomfortable, so many great new things all at once, but really it’s such a welcome change… no effort, things just moving, the things I want just happening and coming together easily… like magic. It’s an entirely different way of being in my life. For so long I was in so much effort, trying to make things happen, so these days I’m getting good practice in surrendering and just allowing it all to happen. It still feels a little foreign but it’ll get used to it :)

Now, just because a lot of amazing things are happening doesn’t mean it’s perfect and sunshine and unicorns all the time. This year I faced some super uncomfortable growing pains in my job space as I began having more in other areas of my life. Looking back I also realize I had a lot of my attention stuck in thinking that I somehow came up short or wasn’t good enough because I wasn’t ‘perfect’ at work… like I was failing somehow. But I think that’s missing the point. All of those stumbles this year, in work and in everything else, were because I was {and am still} growing and having more.. even if they weren’t ‘pretty’ or didn’t feel good in the moment. They were a sign that I was changing… and sometimes changing and growing gets a little messy.

There’s always room to grow, no matter how much you have or how good you are at something, so really, I never want to be super comfortable because it means I’m probably getting stuck and not growing. Even though I do daydream about a mistake free ‘perfect’ life but let’s be real… never gonna happen!

Part of the growing pains at work was because I was having more in my personal life and I haven’t had to balance all of those things in… well let’s just say a long time. I met my person this year, who I think is amazing, and in addition to meeting him we’ve taken some pretty great trips both small and large {a big thank you to him for Brasil! My first international trip in over a decade} and are moving in together in just a few weeks! Talk about a lot. But even that has been beautifully messy… all the great things but also learning how to live, communicate with, and compromise with another person. What do you mean it’s not just my way anymore?! He’s pretty patient though, which means I’m extra lucky ;)

To top all the new off ~ we also just got a dog {!!! ~ but seriously, will I ever sleep again?!} you guys, I’ve wanted this dog f o r e v e r … and now it’s real, along with my love and my dream job and amazing adventures with my partner.

It’s pretty amazing. And it’s definitely a lot to be thankful for.

I’m thankful for all the great new things, all the messiness, even the stumbles along the way, but also I’m thankful that everything that’s coming into being in my life doesn’t really look the way I imagined it. When you imagine things there’s always a kind of sterile perfection about how it will {or how it can} come together, what it will look like. And although my dog does look pretty much exactly the way I imagined her, everything else is different, but more real, more magical ~ better. There’s definitely more messiness, but there’s also more richness, more fun, more surprises, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

So as I swim around in a mix of emotions about all the changes that are happening… excitement about my new home, a little sadness to leave my own cute place and great neighbors behind, simultaneous exuberance and total exhaustion from our new furry family member… nervousness about creating a home for the first time with a partner… I’m also filled with gratitude, and I can’t wait to see what other new things continue to come my way in the new year… messy or not :)

Happy belated holiday, I’m thankful for you for visiting my blog too!

penny

 

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