At the end of the day, it’s not ‘ours’… and what that feels like

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I’m talking about our apartment. Lately we’ve been in a wee bit of a rut my manfriend and I… one of us, I won’t say who {totally him} is a bit way more messy than the other, and it’s caused some friction, to say the least. While we might only be in this space for a shorter time, I still want to make it nice and have it feel as much like ‘home’ as we can. My manfriend is more of the mindset that it’s just a temporary space so what does it matter if it’s messy?

And as we’ve trudged our way through negotiating how clean {or messy}, the space can be, I’ve realized two big things…

First, even though the space we are renting is great for all the reasons I originally wrote about, and we do love it and I do still feel like it’s the best space for us right now… at the end of the day it isn’t ours, and nothing in it is really ours since we’re renting it furnished, so it’s just not ever going to really feel like ‘home’. And unlike a typical rental where we could paint or make other changes to make it more ‘us’, we can’t do any of those things here.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I am learning more about myself just by living here, and what I need and want in a space that I call home, even if it’s temporary. So while this might be the best solution for us this time around, we might end up taking another route if we are ever in this situation again. Hard to know for sure, but I think there’s a whole big part of my being that’s being turned off right now since I can’t really design the space and transform it for us, which is pretty uncomfortable! I’m learning that I do really appreciate being able to tweak a space, have my own furniture and art, and get settle in in a certain way, even if it’s for a shorter time…

And second, I’m a pretty sensitive human in general… to energy, to my physical space, to everything. My mom used to really give me a hard time about this like it was a bad thing or a character flaw, but it’s just who I am! And while my manfriend might be totally fine living in a messy space, I am most certainly not. It affects my entire space and energy, my mood, my energy, everything.

I’m a big believer that design is powerful, and your home does have a big impact on you, because it’s the very core and foundation of your energetic space, your safety and security… if you don’t feel good about your home or in your home, how can you put energy into and feel good about other things in your life?

It’s hard to do!

I need to feel good about and feel good in my home, whether it’s a short term or forever home. So we have compromised on an agreed amount of daily ‘tidying’ time and are hiring a cleaning lady, which to me feels like a real luxury but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense… we have a limited amount of energy and time everyday, and is my time and energy being best spent cleaning, or doing other things like working or writing, or creating? I know my answer!

As you’re reading this, are you thinking ~ I totally love my space! or maybe… things are starting to make sense about why I might not be feeling so fantastic… ~ You don’t have to have a huge mansion or a perfectly designed space in order to feel good and supported in your home, but if you aren’t feeling fantastic in some areas of your life, it might be worth doing a quick check to see if your home space might need some adjusting… energetically or physically, to get things feeling better.

In the meantime, we’re getting this space nice and tidy, and I’m sinking in to getting inspired and in tune with the energy of our new space… I don’t have to know exactly what it will look like to start brainstorming ideas of designing it!

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